HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP LIVES

   Great men/women are victims, professionals are victims, rich men/women are victims, influential people are victims, presidents, senators, chiefs, kings, queens, princes and princesses are also victims of bad and crumbled marriages/relationships. So many people are successful in every area of their lives but don’t have the slightest idea of how to tackle the causes of bad marriage/relationship. It became clear to me that people don’t even want to learn how to improve their love lives. Yes they are doing all they can to make their love lives work out but their focuses are just far from catapulting their relationships/marriages to the greatest height. Improving our love lives should be
part of our priorities, we all want to love, care, happiness, money; power has shifted our focus to the things that are less important.  

LET ME SHARE WITH YOU SOME GREAT FACTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP:

MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING:          

 The greatest source of improving our love lives is the level of UNDERSTANDING our partners and the events that occurs around us. Understanding should be our greatest jewel, it is important for us to possess it in order to shape every area of our lives with ease. In fact UNDERSTANDING is not just a word, it’s the bond that links our organism with each other, if great UNDERSTANDING is not between our feelings and our brains, both can never work with each other. I have come to realize the fact that UNDERSTANDING is even the pillar behind the word (LOVE). So many people don’t even understand the true definition of UNDERSTANDING, they tend to believe they possess the definition of UNDERSTANDUNG when they know the kind of clothes their partners love to wear, their favorite meals, their characters, attitudes etc. I know most people would say are those features not part of UNDERSTANDING? Yea they are part of it but those words stands like leaves on a big tree. Isn’t strange that we are familiar with what the features I listed earlier and conflicts still occur between couples/partners? Why don’t we search for the causes of the conflicts in our marriages?  WHY DO WE KEEP FOCUSING ON THE PROBLEM WHEN ALL WE NEED IS JUST TO FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION? I have a strong conviction that 75% of the couples/partners across the globe don’t understand each other; misunderstanding is the number one cause of crumbled marriage/relationships.  

           Every human are created with different beliefs, values, characters, brains, circumstances etc. I now understand why two different people, from different culture, different traditions, families, countries, states live together and never understand each other. The simple truth is they didn’t figure out the true facts that have been created in them. I now have a clear vision of why a marriage that lacks concrete understanding can never last.

VALUE:

The things we need to figure out in our partners are the values they possess; a lasting relationship/marriage can only emerge if both partners understand each other’s values. Values are the guidelines of why we do what we do, values dictate how we react to people around us, in fact our values controls how we feel and also dictate the emotions that come to us. Value is the source of every human behavior; value shapes the lives of human beings, either good or bad. I had the opportunity to talk to read a book written by a man I respect so much in psychology of change. He stated that all decision making comes down to values clarification. Values are the things that we find most important to us, our life values are the force that drives our behaviors and shapes our lives. Most people though don’t know what most important to them, and thus decision making become an internal torture. When a person doesn’t know what is more important to them, how can their partner know their values? How can they make right decisions? How can their partner understand who they really are? We ought to figure out what our life values are in order to make things easier for the people around us. When people understand our values, it gives them a green light of stepping into our life banks to discover our true self. We are clueless of what our future becomes; we are driving towards unseen destinations if we do not have a clue of what our values are. Our values act as our personal compass to guide us through a situation fraught with peril. The only way for us to have long term happiness is to live by our highest ideals, to consistently act in accordance with what we believe our truly about. 

But we can’t do this if we don’t clearly know what our values are. This is the greatest tragedy in most people’s lives: many people know what they want to have, but don’t know what they want to become. Remember that your values-whatever they are-are the compass that will guide you to your ultimate destiny, and your marriage/relationship and your love life are also part of your destiny. IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR TRUE VALUE, PREPARE FOR MASSIVE PAIN. Value means to place importance on it; I’m specifically referring to life values, those things that are most important to you. Some people’s values are love, happiness, money, success, fun, adventure, healthy, integrity, spirituality, growth and learning. What are your most important values?  Do you place love higher than happiness? Do you have happiness on your number one list? How would you manage to handle a marriage where your partner place success on his/her number one list and you having love as your number one list? Don’t you think this is a great misconception between both of you? Or do you need to rearrange your values in order to make your marriage work In order to bring out the best in your life? Have you been able to arrange your values in a way that will empower your marriage/relationship? Do you even know your partner’s values? These are the questions you need to ask yourself in order to empower your brain to produce good answers and how to arrange your values. I believe if you can work on your life values, you will never experience pain.

RULES:

Rules are simply the definition we give to everything that happens around us. Rules are the interpretations we give to our day to day activities. The way we respect, care, love and show affection to our partners are based on our rules. I need you to understand that marriage/relationships are meant to be controlled and guided by our own rules. If we choose to love our partners by buying material things, building houses for them, giving them at least 180 seconds wet kiss each day, giving five minutes massage daily and say kind words to them. It means you have developed a love rule by doing those things I mentioned above. While some people’s definition of love is damn far from my first instance, some people show love to their partners by not yelling at their partner, never raise their hands on them, never do things that would make them feel bad, never nag or make them feel inferior. In fact if you see/know a man/woman who claims to love his/her wife and hasn't been doing the instances aforementioned above, it means this so called person has set a different rule for love. If I should ask what needs to happen for you to feel happy or love, I believe you will definitely produce an answer to that question. Now would your partner provide the same answer you gave if I had asked him/her the same question I asked you? Of course not, so why giving yourself a strong conviction that your partner would love you according to your own definition of love? Would your own definition of happiness work for your partner also? Would you care for your own partner based on your own definition? I bet the answer to those questions is NO.

So if you keep saying your husband doesn't love you the way you do, you need to find out his/her rule of love. If he/she doesn't care for you the way you do, you need to find out his/her rule of care before judging her. If your husband/wife doesn't feel happy the way you do, you need to find out the things that make him/her happy. What am trying to say in essence is that you need find out the rules of your partner’s most important values in order to understand why and how he/she reacts to every event that occur in his/her life. So if you can understand your partner, study his/her values and know his/her rules for all the values, I can assure you of long-lasting marriage in life.

NOTE: All you need to do is to share this article with your partner, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance and fiancee. Let them go through it and make them understand the key factors in this article in order to get the very best in your love lives. You need to brainstorm each other to get your true value, don’t be too forward to produce answers for all these questions in this article, your brain is ready to serve you if you are willing to give it enough space to produce great answers for you. Try and be in a resourceful state, take a deep breath, be calm, forget all that has happened and get it started.